The Irony of Aspiration
I had the opportunity to run in the Akron Marathon this past weekend. Some friends of mine were putting together a relay team and invited me to run one of the legs with them. For those of you in the Akron area, or anyone looking for another marathon option, the event was a lot of fun. This was my first year participating and I was definitely impressed. Akron offers a multitude of ways to participate (marathon, 1/2 marathon, relay, kids, etc.), and seems very well-organized. One of the best parts was finishing the race by running the bases of Akron Aero’s ballpark (full of cheering spectators)!
My team asked me to run the final, 8 mile leg of the relay, and I was happy to have some miles to run. Having not run the entire week as rest after the previous weekend’s 50K attempt, I was restless to get back out.
The Aspiration
It ended up being a perfect day for an event. Some early morning cloudiness gave way to sunshine, blue skies and temperatures in the high 60s / low 70s. While I was absolutely at the event just to have fun, I have to admit in the back of my mind there was some competitive aspiration bubbling up. Having failed again at my second ultra-marathon attempt, I think I was subconsciously looking at this race to somehow “make up” for not finishing my race the week before. As part of a relay team, I’m not sure exactly what kind of performance I was looking for to feel better about the previous week, but for eight miles I was interested to see both how fast and how comfortable the run was. Of course, neither of those (fast and comfortable) have anything to do with ultra-marathons!
After standing around my relay station for a couple of hours, finally my transfer was made and I was off.
A week off from running shouldn’t affect your performance greatly, unless of course you fall off your athletic diet. I didn’t completely fall off the wagon, but I definitely indulged more than I had planned on. Sometimes it’s just nice to take a break. Anyway – the run went okay, but I never really felt like I feel into a running groove; something I was expecting for only eight miles after a week’s worth of rest. While I never felt overwhelmed by the effort, I did feel like here and there I had to push myself to keep going at what felt like nothing more than an average pace. So if I was seeking vindication for the previous week’s failure, as the race ended, I didn’t feel like I got it.
The Irony
I ended up running those eight miles in 1:08 – certainly not an overly competitive pace but not too bad considering the port-o-potty break I was forced to take and the two aid stations I sauntered through drinking some water. Factor those stops out of my time and I ran my eight miles in right around an hour, which is a pretty good pace for me.
I had in my mind that I wanted an “easy” run to prove to myself that I “had it” (whatever that means), to make up for my disappointment the week before. When the run ended up challenging me a bit, I immediately began to feel like it was just reinforcing that disappointment. The irony of course is that I ended up with a pretty good run, especially considering the casual way I approached the effort.
My Takeaway
If you live aspirationally, then you will continually be pushing boundaries. Yet, I think it’s fair to say that most of us are raised to believe that doing well is aligned with feeling comfortable. So the bit aha moment for me thinking back on this race is to not confuse discomfort with lack of ability or progress.
Just because something requires effort, even considerable effort, does not mean it’s beyond your capacity or that you are not “good” at it. But when you almost constantly press to get better, to go just a little faster or longer, to finish that project a week ahead of schedule – the stress and pressure can all too easily be internalized as a failure or lack of ability.
“The amateur believes he must first overcome his fear; then he can do his work. The professional knows that fear can never be overcome.” ~Steven Pressfield
For those of us committed to excellence, committed to pushing boundaries, the “fear” can be replaced by “lack of knowledge” or “discomfort“. Accept that you can never know everything; you will not always feel comfortable.
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Thinking about this article last night during my run, I realized I fell into the trap of obscuring a very simple message with too many words. That’s the downside of hastily writing over lunch.
Simply put – the message I was trying to get across is if you are constantly striving, then “just ok” seems like a failure, when in fact your okay is probably better than most.
The cliche I hear from time to time that best sums this up is “The perfect is the enemy of the good”.
It’s okay to strive for excellence, just don’t let it define your life.