If we did it for them…
There are many ways to learn, and part of the path to personal and professional excellence is not only making the commitment and focusing on self-development, but also discovering and creating learning opportunities. While we can create many of our learning opportunities on our own, I also believe that learning opportunities perfectly suited for where we are at in life come our way naturally from time to time, if we are just aware enough to notice.
One of those learning opportunities came my way over the last couple of weeks. In no less than three fairly strategic discussions, at some point in the discussion someone said:
But if we did it for them, we’d have to do it for everyone.
I don’t know what it is about that comment that drives me nuts, but it always has. Maybe it’s that too often it’s used as a door-closer to a discussion. Maybe in my mind I interpret it as the person using the comment as a smokescreen when they really just aren’t interested in change. After some reflection over the last few weeks, I think my real problem with the statement is what I perceive as it’s inherent negativity; especially when the comment is made by a leader.
So, having noticed that his learning opportunity was sent my way, I set about to take advantage of it, in two ways. First, I started upon some reflection of why this phrase bothers me so much, and positive ways I can process the statement and keep the conversation moving forward. Second, since every time the comment was made it came up amid discussions I was having with some very smart people that I truly respect, I paid particular attention to how they responded.
In a couple short weeks, I have a completely new toolkit on how to deal with this potentially deadly comment. Here’s what I came up with:
First – keep your emotions in check. If you are like me, I’ve recognized that when this comment comes up in a discussion, I tend to get somewhat irritated. That irritation can come through in not only your comments but your body language. Without even trying (or knowing it, if you’re not aware), you might come off as defensive, even angry. Nothing kills a positive discussion like negativity.
What I’ve tried to focus on is a belief that the person making the statement has made it for all the right reasons; like you, they have a vested interest in a positive outcome for the decision at hand and this statement is simply their language to voice a particular concern. If you process the statement as merely an indication that they are just as passionate about making the right decision as you are, you can get past whatever negativity you may perceive in the words chosen.
The next logical step I’ve come across is to examine the target population being discussed (the “everyone”), in the context of what you are proposing for the individual. By that I mean that maybe, like the picture above, there are some unique aspects to the individual person or group you are proposing to take action for, that sets them apart from the population at large such that the odds are you wouldn’t have to do it “for everyone”, or the way you do it for the individual would not fit the needs of everyone else.
Say for example you are an HR Director and you are considering making a special allowance for an employee to work a reduced-hours work week. It is natural then for the rest of the executive team to wonder whether then everyone in the company will want to have a reduced work week, leading to loss of productivity and revenue. If however, there are unique circumstances surrounding the individual and/or the request, then perhaps the request could be granted in such a way as to head off a large influx of follow-on requests. For example, maybe the individual was pursuing an MBA and their final semester required a class only offered during the day. If the exception is granted and put into policy as an education allowance, then both your employees and the company both win.
You may also want to think about if “doing it for everyone” is a necessarily a bad thing. Let’s say you run an office building and a couple tenants have asked if they ride their bikes to work, could they lock them up outside the back entrance. “But if we let a couple tenants do this, then everyone will want to,” comes the response from your Board.
Well, first of all, from thinking through the second tip above you may have probably already determined that not everyone in your building will want to ride a bike to work. That said, there are probably more than just the couple that asked you. So, what’s so bad about a bunch of people riding their bike to your office building? Isn’t that a good thing? Maybe there’s an opportunity here to “be green” and foster healthy lifestyles. With a relatively small investment, you could install a bike rack, promote it to your tenants, and maybe create some good will as a landlord.
Lastly, think about how to accomplish the same objective in a different manner. I’m on the Board of a professional networking organization. We offer a free year of membership to members who lose their employment. We were recently approached by an individual fitting the application criteria of the group that was moving back into our area after being down-sized from his out of state employer. He found out about our group and petitioned to be given a free membership to get plugged back in to our community.
The ensuing Board discussion centered around a real desire to help this person tempered by the “but if we did it for him…” question. With the current economy combined with the popularity of our group, this was a very real challenge. Just as the discussion was wrapping up with a decision to not give this person membership, one of the Board members came up with an idea that maybe we could institute a program or policy whereby job seekers fitting our membership criteria but weren’t previously members, could attend a one or two meetings and be given an opportunity to give a short overview of themselves. Good for the group – a member might find just the new employee they were looking for. Good for the individual – they get access to potential employers and an opportunity to introduce themselves. Good for the Board – we get to do the “right thing” and will most likely get a paying member sometime in the future.
So there are four solid ways I’ve come up with to respond to a valid question that I previously saw as a negative roadblock in discussions. Over to you, readers. Is the “if we did it for them…” challenge one that you’ve struggled with? Regardless, what techniques do you use to get past this roadblock if the proposal on the table is one you are passionate about?
If you enjoyed this post, please consider to leave a comment or subscribe to the feed and get future articles delivered to your feed reader.
Comments
No comments yet.
Leave a comment