Do it when you’ve never done it before: Passion.

Do it when you know you can: Consistency.

Do it when you don’t want to: Committment.

Do it when you’re not sure you can: Faith.

Do it when you know, in your heart of heart you can’t, but you do it anyway: Pure Inspiration!

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Five levels of Nike…

Well, I am a runner and this book inspired me like few others have throughout my life.  After reading it, I immediately set a personal goal to run an ultra-marathon within two years.  2010 I focused on rapidly increasing my weekly running miles.  In retrospect, I know now I greatly over-trained, but was lucky enough to escape the year with only a couple minor injuries.

2011 then became the target year to accomplish my goal.  My first try was in late March, running the Green Jewel 50K.  (An “ultra-marathon” is defined as any race longer than a marathon.  A 50K race, at just over 31 miles, is the introductory ultra length).  I was in fantastic physical shape, having trained especially hard over the winter.  I failed to finish that event, dropping at mile 20.   At the time, I blamed it on back problems, but the fact is while I was prepared physically, I wasn’t prepared mentally.

Training throughout the Spring/Summer then became a mix of continuing to develop my physical foundation, while specifically exercising my mental and spiritual discipline.

I took another “run” at my goal in September at the Youngstown Ultra Trail Classic, another 50K run on the gorgeous trails of Mill Creek Park just outside Youngstown, Ohio.  I was nervous but excited about the event – while I didn’t feel I was quite as physically prepared as I was in March, I knew I was much tougher mentally and spiritually.  I told my friends “even if I have to crawl over the finish line bloody and broken, I will finish this race.”

Alas, it was not to be.  While I made it to mile 24 this race, muscle spasms forced me to largely walk, not run, from mile 19 on.  At the mile 24 aid station, the start/finish area, I decided while I could walk the last seven miles, that wasn’t what I considered finishing.

I have one more shot before the end of the year to accomplish my goal, and whatever that event brings, I’ve learned a lot over the past two years on this quest: about myself, about limits, and with my first two unsuccessful attempts, at dealing with defeat.  After a few weeks of reflection after the latest effort, this post sums up some of my thoughts on how to deal with defeat.

It may be trite, but one way to deal with defeat is to ask yourself if you learned anything.  That last handful of miles spent walking provided plenty of time for reflection, and I do feel I came away from this second ultra attempt with a couple important lessons learned.

Lessons Learned

To live only for some future goal is shallow. It’s the sides of the mountain that sustain life, not the top. ― Robert M. Pirsig

It’s the journey, stupid…

The training I’ve undergone and the sacrifices I’ve made over the past couple of years were all focused on, and internally justified by, the pursuit of this one goal.  Well, nothing like pain and defeat to put things in perspective.  When you are limping along with one foot in a constant toe cramp and the opposite leg threatening to return to spasm at every step, “why the hell am I doing this?” is a fair question.  If finishing a race is all you have to answer that question, it can be pretty hard to keep moving forward.  My answers to that question don’t matter here, everyone has to come up with their own answers, but suffice it to say that I had a number of revelations out on the trail that day that had nothing to do with checking a goal off a list.

Uncovering my real goal

I also learned, or at least got closer to, my real goal.  My journey started with telling myself I wanted to finish an ultra-marathon.  When I dropped out of the race at mile 24, I only had 7 or so miles to go.  While I had enough mental and spiritual reserves to push forward, physically I knew I would be walking those seven miles, not running them.  What I found out is that wasn’t how I wanted to finish.  Virtually no one runs an entire ultra event, but I didn’t want the satisfaction of my original goal to come after walking a third+ of the event.  This of course also meant that in that moment, I was willing to risk failure in order to finish the way I wanted.

Justifications or not, pulling out of the race still meant it felt like a defeat.  Okay, let’s not mince words – it was a defeat.  In the week or two following the race, I found a number of strategies that helped me integrate the disappointment and move on.

How I dealt with this (second) defeat

We are what we repeatedly do.  Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit. — Aristotle

Let it flow, let it go

Defeat is many things, but it is always disappointing.  Depending on what you had invested in the activity or goal, a defeat can mean anything from a minor setback to a devastating emotional crisis.  I think many of us have a tendency to not completely acknowledge the impact the defeat had on us.  Right from the start I think it’s important to articulate this impact, whether to your partner, a trusted friend, or simply to yourself.  Nothing good grows in damp, dark spaces; don’t relegate your disappointment there.

While giving voice to your defeat helps with the intellectual acceptance, it does little for the emotional.  For me, nothing helps here like simply giving in.  Let your emotions flow.  Throw that towel, wallow in that self pity.  People will say that nothing good comes from such actions, but from my perspective, the outcomes are even worse keeping those emotions bottled up inside.  Two guiding principles help here.  First – do nothing that would harm others or yourself.  Second – whatever you do, allow yourself to do it completely, but after a day or two, it’s done.  Putting a limit on these emotional mini-tantrums really helps me allow myself to get rid of everything.

Call it what it is – A Defeat

I also think it’s important to call a defeat a defeat.  No mincing words here; you set yourself a goal, you gave it a try and you didn’t succeed.  To call the effort anything else limits your further development in two significant ways:

• First, not acknowledging your defeat is lying to yourself.  “Let it flow, let it go” allowed us to empty our psyches of all that negative baggage and not feel bad about it.  Lying about the defeat is counterproductive and only serves to let that baggage back in.
• Second, if you can’t or won’t acknowledge your defeat, most likely you are also making excuses for why your effort fell short or why is wasn’t really a defeat.  Until you can accept and proclaim your defeat, you will never be able to understand what limited you.  It is only with this understanding that you can overcome and move forward.

Celebrate

It may sound a bit counter-intuitive, but a celebration may be in order.  Grand aspirational goals go down in flames in spectacular fashion.  Celebrate the effort; celebrate the failure.  There is nothing like a celebration to hit the restart button and refresh you mentally and spiritually.  After this latest unsuccessful ultra attempt, and after I “let it flow”, I treated myself to a decadent steak dinner with the unhealthiest chipotle cheddar mac & cheese (but most delicious) you’ve ever seen.  Go ahead – you deserve it.

Schedule a confirmation

Unfortunately, a common side effect of defeat is to make us question our abilities.  More to the point a defeat can make us wonder if we really have what it takes to get where we want to be.  If you are “running on the edge” – pushing boundaries and aiming high, then it may be time to re-affirm how far you have come.  Schedule something that is still a challenge, but with a high probability of success.

For me, I registered at the last minute for a trail marathon a couple weeks after this defeat.  For all my talk and training for ultras, I had never officially run a marathon and at just five short miles shy of the 50K I had just attempted, it is not an insignificant challenge.  Add in that I would be running this marathon on just two weeks rest and I didn’t interrupt my training to taper for it, and I knew it would be a good test for me.  I’m happy to say I was able to finish the marathon.  It wasn’t fast, and it certainly wasn’t pretty, but it was confirmation that my latest defeat didn’t define me.

What about you?

So there are four ways I personally deal with defeat, along with some lessons learned along the way.  While my context is that of a physical pursuit, these lessons certainly extend to our personal and professional lives and experiences as well.

Certainly there are lots of ways to deal with defeat and I’m interested in hearing yours as well.  What has defeat taught you?  How have you dealt with it and stayed on your path?  I look forward to hearing from all of you.

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Dealing with Defeat

Not only did I remember tonight’s inspiration, but it seemed worthy of sharing:

“The true measure of a man’s effort is not that he has reached his destination, nor even how long it took him to get there, but rather how many times he wanted to give up along the way.”

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A measure of effort

My team asked me to run the final, 8 mile leg of the relay, and I was happy to have some miles to run.  Having not run the entire week as rest after the previous weekend’s 50K attempt, I was restless to get back out.

The Aspiration

It ended up being a perfect day for an event.  Some early morning cloudiness gave way to sunshine, blue skies and temperatures in the high 60s / low 70s.  While I was absolutely at the event just to have fun, I have to admit in the back of my mind there was some competitive aspiration bubbling up.  Having failed again at my second ultra-marathon attempt, I think I was subconsciously looking at this race to somehow “make up” for not finishing my race the week before.  As part of a relay team, I’m not sure exactly what kind of performance I was looking for to feel better about the previous week, but for eight miles I was interested to see both how fast and how comfortable the run was.  Of course, neither of those (fast and comfortable) have anything to do with ultra-marathons!

After standing around my relay station for a couple of hours, finally my transfer was made and I was off.

A week off from running shouldn’t affect your performance greatly, unless of course you fall off your athletic diet.  I didn’t completely fall off the wagon, but I definitely indulged more than I had planned on.  Sometimes it’s just nice to take a break.  Anyway – the run went okay, but I never really felt like I feel into a running groove; something I was expecting for only eight miles after a week’s worth of rest.  While I never felt overwhelmed by the effort, I did feel like here and there I had to push myself to keep going at what felt like nothing more than an average pace.  So if I was seeking vindication for the previous week’s failure, as the race ended, I didn’t feel like I got it.

The Irony

I ended up running those eight miles in 1:08 – certainly not an overly competitive pace but not too bad considering the port-o-potty break I was forced to take and the two aid stations I sauntered through drinking some water.  Factor those stops out of my time and I ran my eight miles in right around an hour, which is a pretty good pace for me.

I had in my mind that I wanted an “easy” run to prove to myself that I “had it” (whatever that means), to make up for my disappointment the week before.  When the run ended up challenging me a bit, I immediately began to feel like it was just reinforcing that disappointment.  The irony of course is that I ended up with a pretty good run, especially considering the casual way I approached the effort.

My Takeaway

If you live aspirationally, then you will continually be pushing boundaries.  Yet, I think it’s fair to say that most of us are raised to believe that doing well is aligned with feeling comfortable.  So the bit aha moment for me thinking back on this race is to not confuse discomfort with lack of ability or progress.

Just because something requires effort, even considerable effort, does not mean it’s beyond your capacity or that you are not “good” at it.   But when you almost constantly press to get better, to go just a little faster or longer, to finish that project a week ahead of schedule – the stress and pressure can all too easily be internalized as a failure or lack of ability.

“The amateur believes he must first overcome his fear; then he can do his work.  The professional knows that fear can never be overcome.”  ~Steven Pressfield

For those of us committed to excellence, committed to pushing boundaries, the “fear” can be replaced by “lack of knowledge” or “discomfort“.  Accept that you can never know everything; you will not always feel comfortable.

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The Irony of Aspiration

While I prefer more primitive, and therefore more remote trails, I often run a more popular trail called the Towpath: there is a trail head literally two minutes from my house and is perfect for those nights when I just want to get some miles in quickly.  The Towpath is quite popular and is heavily used by hikers, runners and bikers.

Early this year, I started my own little “movement”.  Without really much thought or reason why, I started acknowledging fellow runners on the Towpath.  Kind of a cross between a thumbs up and that low wave motorcyclists give to each other, it was just a simple “hey, how ya doing?  Good job, hang in there…”.  The trail regulars caught on quickly and it wasn’t long before I found some of them waving to me before I did to them.  Most everybody else also responded, and with the few exceptions of the people that simple didn’t see me, almost everyone waved back.

Here it is the end of Summer and I’m pleasantly surprised that I see runners waving to each other all over the Towpath, and more and more runners are waving to me before I can even get my hand up.  I often wonder if it was really me that started this “movement”; it could just as easily be the same phenomenon where once you buy a new car you suddenly seem to see your model everywhere you go.

Does it matter?

No, of course it doesn’t.  Whether I simply started participating in something positive already happening, or did have a hand in creating something new, it was still new and positive to me.  Whether I created the awareness inside myself, or created awareness within my running “tribe”, I added positive energy to that trail.

So – go create a positive movement.  Whether it’s something brand new, or just new to you, our lives, our jobs and our world can use all the positive energy they can get these days.

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Start a (positive) movement

Passion is the blanket that keeps you warm against the cold winds of uncertainty and chaos.

Why is it then, that many of us end up defending passion in our personal or professional lives?  Put too much time and energy in at the office and you’re a workaholic.  Commit to a healthy lifestyle including plenty of strenuous, consistent exercise and you’re addicted to fitness.  The list goes on and I’m sure you could share your stories with me in comments.

Passion is just as important to us in our daily lives and jobs as it is to entrepreneurs.  Yet every once in a while I catch myself apologizing for my passion (with me, I’m one of those fitness fanatics).   For me personally though, I’ve apologized less and less over the years.  Partly this has come with the wisdom of accepting myself, but there have also been some conscious thought process I’ve gone through.  With this short post I want to share that thinking with you and solicit your ideas as well.

1. Personal / Professional growth IS Entrepreneurship.  Entrepreneurship is one of those funny words; it means something different to everyone.  That said, I think people tend to think of entrepreneurship in a strict sense focused around the creation of a money-making business.  I tend to view entrepreneurship more broadly around concepts like risk/reward and growth.  If you are trying to create something bigger or better and there is risk involved – I say you’re an entrepreneur.  Passion is therefore indispensable for growth.
2. Identify and accept your sacrifices.  Sometimes those comments about being too passionate can ring true in our inner selves if we are struggling with what we have given up in our quest for growth.  Stay vigilant as to what you are sacrificing and come to terms with the sacrifice.  Be especially wary of sacrifices involving other important to you who may not have bought into your passion as completely as you have.
3. Draw a line in the sand.  Once you’ve identified your sacrifices, draw a line in the sand where you won’t let your passion take you past.  This may be a certain number of hours a week working, or childrens school plays, or dinner out once a month with your significant other.  For me, it’s social time with my friends – I try very hard not to miss time with my circle of close friends for no other reason than having to get a training run in.  I have all kinds of contingencies to get my training in via alternate means, but my deal with myself is that I have to stay willing to miss a run every once in a while if that’s the only way to spend time with someone important to me.  It becomes about staying in balance.

So those are three ways I’ve made sense of my personal passion and accepted the single-minded focus and sacrifices I have made in the quest for extraordinary growth.  What is your passion?  More importantly – what tricks have you employed to integrate it into your life?

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Stop defending your Passion

Personally, I generally find that I end up with three goals for any particular race.  If I’m running a relatively short race, then all three goals will most likely revolve around finish times or average overall pace.  If it’s a much more challenging event, like the first ultramarathon I attempted earlier in the year, then it might be a mixture of various goals.  There’s nothing magical about the number three, it just feels right for me.

My three goals usually fall into three broad buckets: basic accomplishments, probable outcomes, and challenging targets.  Again, depending on the particular race, how I’m feeling about my training, the weather and a host of other miscellaneous factors, I may mix and match those “buckets”.  For example I may have two stretch goals and a reasonable goal for one race, but three basic accomplishments for another.

While I’m using competitive athletic events as my introductory contexts, it’s the same in business.  We deal with goals all the time, whether it’s personal goals for our career or business goals for a project.

Whatever the context you’re talking about for your goal setting, what I’ve found is two very different types of goals lists: Aspirational and Pragmatic.

Aspirational Goal Lists

Aspirational Goal Lists exhibit the following qualities:

• They are mostly, if not completely, comprised of challenging target goals
• The hardest goal to attain is at the top of the list
• Don’t contain any basic accomplishment goals
• Achievement of any goal would represent significant growth

You tend to find Aspirational Goal Lists being created by extremely driven, Type A folks and extreme, all-or-nothing competitors.  The great thing about this kind of list is it’s ability to inspire and motivate us to achieve what we maybe thought wasn’t possible.  The major downside occurs when your self-worth is tied to tightly to achieving a specific goal, or it is hard for you to handle “defeat”.  When you populate a list of goals completely with those that are hard to attain, it is almost a given that eventually you will fall short.  If you are not wired to handle such situations, the Aspirational Goal List can be counter-productive.

Pragmatic Goals Lists

I tend to lean more toward Pragmatic Goals Lists:

• Then contain more basic accomplishments and probably outcomes
• The top goals is the most likely to be attained
• There is no more than one challenging target goal on the list, if any
• It is very probably that at least one goal on the list will be met

I’m not sure how to characterize those that create Pragmatic Goal Lists.  I find that I’m one that does and it can be hard to think objectively about your own actions.  I certainly identify with Type A’s, especially when it comes to athletic endeavors.  Whatever drives someone to focus more on pragmatic goals I don’t know, but I am certain of the major disadvantage of Pragmatic Goal Lists: they can be an off-ramp to mediocrity.  It’s nice to be able to check off your top goal project after project, but if each of those goals advanced your growth incrementally wouldn’t just one aspirational success be even better?

How Do You Create Goal Lists?

So – are you Pragmatic or Aspirational?  Do you a different approach?  What’s your approach to goal lists and what’s good and what’s bad about your particular method?

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Two Types of Goal Lists

Physically, running can be a funny sport.  Some days you feel terrible, then go out and have a great run.  Other days you’re on top of the world, and fight just to keep going.  Unfortunately tonight, the run quickly devolved into the second category.  I greatly suspect my lunch (late and heavy on the pasta) was a prime culprit.

Good Cop, Bad Cop

It didn’t take long before I started thinking about only running one loop.  It’s funny how it creeps up on you, isn’t it?  Sure you’re struggling, but you came out with a goal regardless.  Then out of the blue comes the first unbidden thought: “what would be so bad about just running one loop?”  From there it’s like a good cop, bad cop scene where you literally argue with yourself; one side taking the position that there’s no shame in quitting if you don’t “have your stuff” (and you can always do extra in the coming days), the other side sticking to toughing it out and saving some self-esteem.

The issue, as we all know, is that history tells us that we don’t make up for it in the coming days.  While we may struggle to get through the task we’ve set before ourselves from time to time and not complete it as quickly or as eloquently as we had hoped, the fact that we did complete it greatly helps balance out that minor disappointment.

So this back and forth in my mind went on for the better part of the first run, and I still didn’t know what I was going to do as I rounded the final turn and headed up the last hill toward the parking lot.

But I kept going

I’ll jump to the end of the story and tell you that I kept going and did my second loop.  The satisfaction in doing what I said I was going to do absolutely made up for the crappy, sub-par run.  And you know what?  The second loop was far better than the first.  Sometimes if you just stick with it long enough, things work themselves out.

So what trick did I employ to talk myself into running the second loop?  What incentive did I use?  What logical argument won out over the bad cop?  Actually, I don’t really feel like I did anything, it all kind of took care of itself.  What I can tell you is that it was really the opposite of all those questions I just asked:

I simply stopped trying to talk myself out of it.

That’s right – as I rounded that last corner and headed up the hill toward the trailhead, without even thinking of it I just kind of stopped trying to convince myself that I shouldn’t continue.  I let the goal of running two loops settle back into my subconscious, and my active mind just re-occupied with random thoughts of the trail and the day.  After that everything took care of itself.  As I came up on the trailhead, I just kept running without thinking and continued on to my second loop.

Sure, it’s not always that simple, but…

…then again, maybe it is.  We spend so much time and effort trying to look for ways to do what we say we are going to do, that sometimes I think we end up spending more effort than if we would just keep running in the first place.  Plus, we all know what it feels like when we don’t do what we say we’re going to.  It feels pretty crappy, right?  But following through and staying true to our goals feels pretty awesome right?  So even though my run tonight didn’t satisfy my evening goal I stayed true to my long term goal and I did what I said I was going to do.  On balance, I’ll take that any night.

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Do what you say you’re going to do

The particulars aren’t important, although it wasn’t easy and it wasn’t quick.  But I can tell you I’m looking at a hot, steaming pile of freshly slain EXCUSE on my living room floor, and I moved one day closer to my personal goals.

Why it’s hard

It’s hard because it’s so much easier to come up with reasons not to do something versus reasons why you should:

• I’m tired
• I’ll do double tomorrow
• I don’t have enough time
• I’d rather do this other thing
• I have so many other things to do
• etc., etc.

Even more nefarious is the reasons not to do something always somehow seem to make more sense than the one or two reasons you should.  “I’m really tired today and maybe getting sick” seems like a really good reason to not do your workout compared to “I know I should”.

So, how to make it easier?

Sorry, kids, I don’t have an answer for this one.  If there was a secret, someone would be making millions off it, and if it was easy everyone would be doing it.  But there isn’t, and it’s not.  It’s a one day at a time affair; you against The Beast.  All I can say is that when it comes right down to it, right now this second, you can either decide to DO what you’ve said/promised you will do, or you can decide to NOT do what you said/promised you will do.  And making that decision, really, is pretty easy either way.

What’s the payoff for slaying the Beast?

Ah, that one I can tell you and it’s pretty sweet.  You know that feeling when you decide not to do something you’ve promised yourself you would do?  Feels pretty crappy, right?  And it doesn’t feel any better tomorrow.  Well the feeling you get when you slay that Beast, and you follow through on your promise, and you do what you promised yourself you would do, is a thousand times better.

And, as an added bonus, it may be tomorrow, it may be next week or next month, but the next time The Beast thinks about sniffing around your rodeo, I can guarantee you it will think twice.

Good hunting, my friends…

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Why it’s hard

In my first review post, I wrote on a central theme of the book, the “secret to their success”, which is bringing a sense of joy to your life.  This sense of joy is what the author largely credits to the Tarahumara Indian’s ability to run 100 miles or more, all with a smile on their face.

With this post, I’d like to focus on a short segment in the book that I found particularly inspiring.  It’s about The Beasts the ultra-distance runners in the book encounter and how they respond to them. While the stories in the book are told by these runners, they nonetheless have just as much relevance for all of us.  Even as most of these runners do what they do because they love it, a point that really stuck out for me is that when they race, they are challenging themselves by not only attempting something most rational people would think verges on the insane, but doing it while pitted against some of the best in the world that do the same thing.  It dawned on me while reading the book that this is an apt metaphor for our own most aggressive, visionary and challenging goals, whether business or personal.  Some use the term BHAG to stand for Big Hairy Audacious Goals.  Those goals that will truly stretch us, where there is a good chance if not high probability of failure, and which (unfortunately) we are usually up against some world-class naysayers.

So, whether you’re running 135 miles through 130F heat, or tackling your own personal or professional BHAG, eventually you’ll bump up against The Beast.

What Beast?

For ultra-distance runners, The Beast is often fatigue related to pushing the fringes of human physical endurance.  For you and I, The Beast is usually more personal.  For some it may be self-confidence, for others, it may be competing priorities.  Even more nefarious are subtle Beasts like impatience and unrealistic expectations.

You don’t confront The Beast by joining Toastmaster to work on your fear of public speaking; you confront The Beast by agreeing to be the keynote speaker for a conference of your peers to work on your fear of public speaking before joining Toastmasters.

So what lessons did Born to Run teach me on how to fight The Beast?  I took two lessons out of the book.

Lesson #1: Learn to love The Beast

Lisa Smith-Batchen, who trained through blizzards to win a six day race in the Sahara, gave me the most direct lesson is dealing with The Beast: learn to love it.  In her own words:

I love the Beast.  I actually look forward to the Beast showing up, because every time he does, I handle him better.  I get him more under control.

The author adds his own commentary:

Once the Beast arrives, Lisa knows what she has to deal with and can get down to work.  And isn’t that the reason she’s running through the desert in the first place – to put her training to work?  To have a friendly little tussle with the Beast and show it who’s boss?  You can’t hate the Beast and expect to beat it; the only way to truly conquer something, as ever great philosopher and geneticist will tell you, is to love it.

Lesson #2: Believe Know the Impossible is Possible

Lisa’s comments came within the broader context of a story about Scott Jurek, an elite ultra-distance runner who was looking for a new challenge.  He found that challenge in the Badwater Ultramarathon – 135 miles through some of the most brutal conditions in North America, perhaps the world.  Having conquered virtually every ultramarathon available, Scott was nonetheless humbled by Badwater 60 miles in, and collapsed to the ground:

…Scott was vomiting and shaky.  His hands dropped to his knees, then his knees dropped to the pavement.  He collapsed by the side of the road, lying in his own sweat…his friends didn’t bother trying to help him up; they knew there was no voice in the world more persuasive than the one inside Scott’s own mind.

Call it fatigue, call it exhaustion, call it the limits of human endurance, The Beast had arrived.  His thought process to pick himself up off the ground went like this:

There’s no way, you’re done.

You’d have to do something totally sick to win this thing now.

Sick like what?

Like starting all over again.  Like pretending you just woke up from a great night’s sleep and the race hasn’t even started yet.  You’d have to run the next eighty miles as fast as you’ve ever run eighty miles in your life.

No chance.

Yeah.  I know.

When The Beast arrives, there can be no doubt as to the goal and whether it will be reached; the only question can be what needs to change to get there.  The result of this race?  Scott not only finished the race, but with a new record time.

Change in perspective

The real message in this particular chapter though I found in Lisa’s comments about The Beast.  Literature abounds that prepares us to fight The Beast.  Whether it’s Nietzsche’s concept of the overman always fighting, always struggling; or your annual performance appraisal identifying “areas for improvement” – we seem to be programmed to view challenge as something to overcome.

The important change in perspective here is to view challenge as something to look forward to and welcome.  What a change in perspective – not to view overwhelming challenges as a battle, but something to be welcomed, even looked forward to.  The Beast then becomes a real-life laboratory to put into practice all that self-development you’ve been working on.  The Beast becomes an opportunity to grow and develop even further.

More importantly perhaps, learning to welcome The Beast puts YOU in control, not The Beast.  Oh, you may lose a battle here and there, but welcoming The Beast means you have already won the war.

This change in perspective also helps me put words to describing my concept of “personal excellence” I reference here on this blog but have never felt like I could adequately describe.  Learning how to do things better, even becoming an expert, is personal development.  Welcoming The Beast is personal excellence.

Your thoughts?

Does this resonate with you?  What Beasts do you encounter?  Do you welcome them or fight them?  Does the distinction between development and excellence ring true with your experience?

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Welcoming “The Beast”

So what’s their secret?

Well, my take on it is a bit more involved than the writer is, but in a nutshell their secret appears to be something we all remember fondly, is well within our grasp, but we (wittingly, or unwittingly) choose to live without on a day to day basis.

Their secret is to combine their running with pure, childlike joy.

Yea, right, I hear you saying.  For many of us, it wouldn’t matter how much you smile, you wouldn’t be able to run 10 miles, let alone 100. Let alone without resting.   And there is where the book gets more complicated, but also where I think the message gets more relevant and more broadly applicable.  In fact, I’m taking notes and hope to write a small series on the personal growth and excellence lessons I’m learning out of this book.  For now, I’ll tell you the following story.

I AM a runner.  I’ve had my ups and downs over the years, but I do enjoy the sport.  Much like the Tarahumara, I generally shun sidewalks and roads and do almost all my running on trails.  I tend to be a short to middle distance runner preferring outings between three to six miles.  Luckily, I’m blessed to live in an area of Ohio loaded with nature trails in that range that are not only beautiful, but challenging to run.  There’s nothing like flying down a hill, half running, half jumping, testing your legs (and the trail) with a do-or-die proposition: either I’ve still got the energy after four miles to jump these three steps and still stay running, or I slide headfirst down the rest of this hill and probably end up in emergency.  (Yes – it helps to be a little crazy to be a trail runner.  Or trail runners just are a little crazy, I’m not sure which).

But that’s the essence of the book – because I can guarantee you whenever I’m running down those stairs, jumping two or three at a time and challenging my body to keep me upright, I’ve got a huge smile on my face.  And anything you’re doing, personally or professionally, that you do with a smile on your face, gets done better and feels better doing it.

I tested this theory out over the last week.  I like to stay in shape over the winter so I run treadmill a lot in my basement.  I’m sure many of you can sympathize with me when I say treadmill running is boring at best, a grind at worst.  There is nothing joyful about running on a treadmill.  Or is there?  In anticipation of better weather, I have been slowly increasing my distance, which correspondingly was increasing my boredom and ability to stay focused.  So the other day midway through a 5 mile run on the treadmill, I started imagining myself running outside, jumping from rock to rock on a hillside trail overlooking a beautiful vista.  A half-smile came to my face which I let blossom into a full-blown one.  Immediately, I could feel a change happening to my body.  A slight energy increase, a lessening of fatigue, a greater connection with that “runner’s high”.  Literally before I knew it, I had put in my last two miles or so.

I’m sure to many of you this sounds like new-age hocus pocus, and that’s fine.  If you’re a runner, or if you just like interesting stories, the book is still a great read.  Runners especially will appreciate all the information on how all the foot, shin and knee injuries that 80-90% of us experience every year, started occurring only after the introduction of the high-tech running shoe!  I’ll be talking about the Tarahumara’s answer to that one too.  The stories about some of the ultra long distance runners and races where the Tarahumara ran with them are simply a blast to read as a runner.  You will really enjoy this book.

But for those of you committed to excellence, whether personal or professional (or both), try a simple experiment.  The next time you’re doing something that is complete drudgery, remember a time it wasn’t drudgery or tie it in your mind to something else that makes you smile and brings a bit of joy to the activity.  I’ll be interested in hearing your feedback, even though I already know what will happen…

Look forward to more on this book in future posts.

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The Secret to Success from Mexican Outback Runners

I especially liked a quick little article in the recent December 2009 issue entitled House Rules: Ten gentle suggestions for keeping the domestic seas tranquil.  Written by Meg Hirshfeld, writer and wife of Gary Hirshberg (who just happens to be CEO of Stonyfield Yogurt), the article lays out a list of simple suggestions Meg and Gary developed together for “entrepreneurs who aspire to a happy marriage and thriving family life.”

I’ll bullet the list here, but I highly suggest you click over to the article for Meg and Gary’s more complete thoughts for each suggestion.  It’s a quick read.

1. You are not the boss at home.
2. Set the bar low.  But set it somewhere.  (As in, make time for time together.  As Meg so aptly puts it “Being together reminds you that you enjoy being together.  And that reminds both of you why this enormous undertaking is worthwhile.”
3. Please, turn off the Blackberry.
4. When a big business decision looms, give your spouse a seat at the table.
5. Enter your spouse’s universe from time to time.
6. Make her communications a priority.
7. Don’t squeeze her in.
8. Treat your spouse like she’s your most important client.
9. Acknowledge her role.
10. Take frequent inventory.

My thoughts

I’ve been doing a lot of research over the last year on the topic of interpersonal relationships: why certain people gravitate together, the dynamics of relationship stages, and the difficulties in developing and maintaining long-term, constructive, meaningful relationships.  This focused research has taken place on top of my normal business reading, both books and magazines.

What’s surprised me a bit is not just how much both bodies of work have in common, but how applicable each is to the other.  While Meg’s list above is written from the context of keeping your marriage happy when one spouse is a workaholic entrepreneur, the suggestions are just as applicable for any couple.  Likewise, all the material I’ve been reading about interpersonal relationships contain a wealth of actionable thoughts on developing and maintaining authentic relationships based on respect and trust at work.  Something I think we can all agree is often in short supply.

Perhaps my thoughts are colored by the stage of life I’m at.  Being later in my career with much more responsibility than I had in earlier jobs, the line between my business and personal life has blurred quite a bit over the years.  But while it’s a fair question to ask, I would suggest that the answer really doesn’t matter.  If we can strengthen, even deepen, our relationships at work and at home, who cares what aisle of the bookstore helped us?

Comments are open

What do you think?  Do you agree that relationships, whether at work or at home, follow similar “rules”?  Is there a relationship lesson you’ve learned professionally that you applied in your personal life, or vice versa?  What suggestions would you offer entrepreneurs to keep a happy marriage and a thriving family life?

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How to be successful AND stay married

Simple Mom recently published a post on tips for handling “extended family holiday stress”.   That’s a very polite way of expressing what most of us know to be a truth during this time of year, and what is succinctly described by the post’s author in the opening paragraphs:

My father-in-law aptly stated it this way: one of the best things about the holidays is seeing the headlights of family members coming up the driveway to visit. The second best thing about the holidays is seeing their taillights as they drive away.

I think we can all relate!

The post is much more than just inside jokes about family relations though, and offers some practical, and positive tips on coping with can be stressful family situations during what should be a joyous time of year.  I particularly like the author’s point of view on what ultimately is most important, as tip #1 is “Your Spouse Comes First”.

This is a great little article and I highly recommend you check it out: 8 Tips for Handling Extended Family Stress During the Holidays.

Stay sane.  Stay positive.

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Just in Time – Destressing the holidays

One of those learning opportunities came my way over the last couple of weeks.  In no less than three fairly strategic discussions, at some point in the discussion someone said:

But if we did it for them, we’d have to do it for everyone.

I don’t know what it is about that comment that drives me nuts, but it always has.  Maybe it’s that too often it’s used as a door-closer to a discussion.  Maybe in my mind I interpret it as the person using the comment as a smokescreen when they really just aren’t interested in change. After some reflection over the last few weeks, I think my real problem with the statement is what I perceive as it’s inherent negativity; especially when the comment is made by a leader.

So, having noticed that his learning opportunity was sent my way, I set about to take advantage of it, in two ways.  First, I started upon some reflection of why this phrase bothers me so much, and positive ways I can process the statement and keep the conversation moving forward.  Second, since every time the comment was made it came up amid discussions I was having with some very smart people that I truly respect, I paid particular attention to how they responded.

In a couple short weeks, I have a completely new toolkit on how to deal with this potentially deadly comment.  Here’s what I came up with:

First – keep your emotions in check. If you are like me, I’ve recognized that when this comment comes up in a discussion, I tend to get somewhat irritated.  That irritation can come through in not only your comments but your body language.  Without even trying (or knowing it, if you’re not aware), you might come off as defensive, even angry.  Nothing kills a positive discussion like negativity.

What I’ve tried to focus on is a belief that the person making the statement has made it for all the right reasons; like you, they have a vested interest in a positive outcome for the decision at hand and this statement is simply their language to voice a particular concern.  If you process the statement as merely an indication that they are just as passionate about making the right decision as you are, you can get past whatever negativity you may perceive in the words chosen.

The next logical step I’ve come across is to examine the target population being discussed (the “everyone”), in the context of what you are proposing for the individual.  By that I mean that maybe, like the picture above, there are some unique aspects to the individual person or group you are proposing to take action for, that sets them apart from the population at large such that the odds are you wouldn’t have to do it “for everyone”, or the way you do it for the individual would not fit the needs of everyone else.

Say for example you are an HR Director and you are considering making a special allowance for an employee to work a reduced-hours work week.  It is natural then for the rest of the executive team to wonder whether then everyone in the company will want to have a reduced work week, leading to loss of productivity and revenue.  If however, there are unique circumstances surrounding the individual and/or the request, then perhaps the request could be granted in such a way as to head off a large influx of follow-on requests.  For example, maybe the individual was pursuing an MBA and their final semester required a class only offered during the day.  If the exception is granted and put into policy as an education allowance, then both your employees and the company both win.

You may also want to think about if “doing it for everyone” is a necessarily a bad thing.  Let’s say you run an office building and a couple tenants have asked if they ride their bikes to work, could they lock them up outside the back entrance.  “But if we let a couple tenants do this, then everyone will want to,” comes the response from your Board.

Well, first of all, from thinking through the second tip above you may have probably already determined that not everyone in your building will want to ride a bike to work.  That said, there are probably more than just the couple that asked you.  So, what’s so bad about a bunch of people riding their bike to your office building?  Isn’t that a good thing?  Maybe there’s an opportunity here to “be green” and foster healthy lifestyles.  With a relatively small investment, you could install a bike rack, promote it to your tenants, and maybe create some good will as a landlord.

Lastly, think about how to accomplish the same objective in a different manner.  I’m on the Board of a professional networking organization.  We offer a free year of membership to members who lose their employment.  We were recently approached by an individual fitting the application criteria of the group that was moving back into our area after being down-sized from his out of state employer.  He found out about our group and petitioned to be given a free membership to get plugged back in to our community.

The ensuing Board discussion centered around a real desire to help this person tempered by the “but if we did it for him…” question.  With the current economy combined with the popularity of our group, this was a very real challenge.  Just as the discussion was wrapping up with a decision to not give this person membership, one of the Board members came up with an idea that maybe we could institute a program or policy whereby job seekers fitting our membership criteria but weren’t previously members, could attend a one or two meetings and be given an opportunity to give a short overview of themselves.  Good for the group – a member might find just the new employee they were looking for.  Good for the individual – they get access to potential employers and an opportunity to introduce themselves.  Good for the Board – we get to do the “right thing” and will most likely get a paying member sometime in the future.

So there are four solid ways I’ve come up with to respond to a valid question that I previously saw as a negative roadblock in discussions.  Over to you, readers.  Is the “if we did it for them…” challenge one that you’ve struggled with?  Regardless, what techniques do you use to get past this roadblock if the proposal on the table is one you are passionate about?

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If we did it for them…

Wag more.  Bark less.

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More advice from dogs