3 types of personal change
“Growth is change”.
This seems fairly self-evident. Growth, by it’s very nature, is change. As we talk about change on this blog, we are concerning ourselves with change associated with personal growth in pursuit of personal excellence. Therefore even though you could argue the opposite statement is also true “Change is growth”, not all growth is in the direction we are striving for. Likewise, not all change is of the type that leads to positive, excellence-creating outcomes.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the types of personal change those of us interested in personal excellence and growth undertake from time to time. Recently, I wrote a short post centered on how to sustain personal change. While somewhat short, it feels like a fairly good roadmap for making and sustaining personal change and hopefully positive growth.
One of the side themes in that post was understanding and accepting the reasons for the change, in order to answer the question “will I like the new me once I make the change?” I also hinted at some changes being much more difficult than others.
I’ve been thinking about this aspect a bit more over the last few weeks, and have some quick observations on three types of personal change, from the easiest to the hardest.
Basic change – habits and quirks
We all have them, and I maintain they are fairly easy to change. Whether it’s wearing sunglasses into a store, eating our salad with our fingers, talking too loud on the phone at work, or checking your Blackberry while you’re eating dinner with your spouse (not me!), we all are a mass of habits and quirks.
For the most part, I would say this category of your makeup probably doesn’t come under much scrutiny. From time to time however, one or more of your habits may be called into question – either professionally or personally. It may be that a work habit is bothering someone or is counterproductive in some way. At home, there may be a quirk of your that drives your spouse crazy and eventually they tell you about it.
Either way, instead of becoming angry and defensive, evaluate the comments made in relation to your habit. I would guess more often than not, it will be obvious that changing a simple habit to the betterment of those around you will not only make the situation better, but is an opportunity for personal growth, albeit small.
The only potential landmine here is if what you are being asked to change isn’t really a habit or a quirk at all, but something much more deep-seated, as we will discuss later.
Moderate change – personality traits
A step up from habits and quirks are personality traits. These can be much harder to change as they are more ingrained into “who we are”. Whether it’s your innate sarcasm, financial frugality, or spontaneous nature, personality traits are much more tied to your sense of being and are therefore harder to change.
I do believe these traits can be changed, but may require cooperation from the individual or entity requesting the change. Maybe it’s a “let’s meet in the middle” compromise, or maybe it’s a willingness to work with you through the change. Regardless, without support, encouragement, and a clear understanding of the reason for change, changing a personality trait will be a substantial challenge for most individuals. Even with all the appropriate support and encouragement, this will still be a difficult process.
Challenging change – core drivers
Below habits and quirks, lurking beneath our personality traits, lies a mass of primal emotions and subconcious drivers. Many times we are not even aware of motivations that lead us to act in a certain way or make certain decisions. Many times these drivers have their root in childhood experiences, especially if they were extreme. We’ve talked about crucibles on this blog, intense personal experiences, and they can have a hand in shaping subconcious drivers also.
These drivers are deep-seated and at the core of our being, and are therefore extremely challenging to change. Personally, I am struggling to understand if they can be changed.
What type of drivers am I talking about? Children of alcoholic parents who develop control issues as adults because they never had control as a child. Children from families that displayed little emotion growing up emotionally guarded because they aren’t sure how to respond to feeling intense emotions. We all probably know adults who grew up in the Depression and to this day save every penny they can. The list goes on.
Changing one of these “core drivers” should be approached with caution. Don’t underestimate the challenge and be realistic as to whether you can change at all. This is my personal observation, but I don’t believe this is a change that can be made individually, it takes great external force, support and time to make a change in this area.
Since these core drivers are so central to our makeup, be prepared to uncover all kinds of psychological baggage along the way as you change. It’s like the cliche of “peeling the onion”, layer upon layer of memories, assumptions, repressed emotions and unknown other core drivers may come to the surface as you make your journey.
The other question that is central here is whether it is a change you want to make. What are the reasons you feel you need to change? If you can make the change, how will you sustain it? Will you be comfortable with the new person you create? I’m not suggesting you shouldn’t or couldn’t make a change in this area, just be realistic as to how long it will take and the number of roadblocks along the way.
What types of personal change did I miss? How are you doing with your personal changes? What have you found that helped you on your journey?
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